Well it has been 2 weeks since I have had my reconstructive surgery. It was a piece of cake compared to the mastectomy. No pain at all. It only felt like I was slightly bruised under my arms. It was actually more of a relief without having the expanders and ports in. My skin isn't as tight and things are really looking pretty good.
They were able to construct the nipples so I still have stitches around that area. Caitlyn said, "Ohh Mommy...boobies. No that not boobies. Those are spiders." LOL My stitches are black and she thought I had spiders on my breasts. Funny kid.
I won't be able to have the "filling" in for 6 months. So I am really bummed about that. They only put in the 600cc implants because the 700's looked unnatural. At this point, all of that is unnatural but I will have to trust their judgement. I guess.
On Monday, February 15th, 10 days after my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with breast cancer, I finished my last herceptin treatment. I can't believe it. When Shane and I got in the elevator he hugged me and told me he was proud of me. All I could do was wrap my arms around him and say, "I Did It!!!" And I Did. I knocked this one out of the ballpark. Sure there were so many times when I didn't feel good, was tired, no energy or tired of people helping that I would just curl up to Shane and cry. "I want my life back" However, I can't say that I do. Do I really want to go back to my old ways of thinking, how much closer this has brought Shane and I. I want to remember the past and I am so thankful I am here today but I am so looking forward to our future and our next 33 years together.
I heard on a TV program that a little girl told her Dad that she wanted to marry her Daddy because he was her "Anyway Friend". Well Shane is my "Anyway Friend". He has loved me sick, no hair, my moodiness, my frustrations, my crazy family, no boobs, new boobs and still...............He Loves Me Anyway!!!!!!! How Blessed Am I!!! I hate that we all had to go thru with this but it still daily reminds me of how blessed I am and how much we have to be thankful for.
I often look at my scars and wish they would go away because they are not very pretty but then it is part of my life story. Where I have come from and how much I have overcome. And daily I Remember. I am sure there are times when Jesus is totally frustrated at us, his children, and maybe clinches his fists only to feel the nail scars in his hands and remember how much he loves us and what lengths he was willing to go to save us. We all have our own scars. Some not so visible as others but we have them. Hopefully we can learn, remember and help others from our pain & scars. I have probably showed more people I do not know my breasts than I ever thought I could, but it is like a visible testimony of what I have overcome and beat in Jesus Name. Last Sunday Pastor Rick talked about the blind man who people continued to ask, "Who sinned. Him or his parents that he would be born like this?" The answer, It was so that God could be glorified and manifest.
That is how I look at my cancer. I don't think it was for anything I did or didn't do but that God would be given the glory. Yes he could have healed me but I had to go thru treatment. And I am Ok with that. I felt I would have to from the beginning and made peace with it. Yes I took drastic measures (double mastectomy, chemo & radiation) but how many people can go thru that and not really have been sick thru it all. Not many. And I praise God for it. That is my own personal miracle.
On another note, last night we had about 45 people over to have a going away party for Dustin, Yessie & Isabella. I believe it was a success. It was a lot of fun. Dustin talked about how he thought about the Marine Corp again because he knows that. Yessie asked him what his dream was and why shouldn't they shoot for that and be happy with what job he wanted to do. So she filled out the application for the Secret Service herself. Guess what? Within 6 months he had gone thru the whole process. We are very proud of him. We are going to miss them so much but I am so glad they are following their dreams. He is going to be doing a job he loves. He has his wife and beautiful baby girl by his side. What more can a man ask for!!!! He leaves March 4th. Flies out to Georgia on the 8th from DC for 11 weeks of training. Then he will have 2 weeks or so to more to DC then he has another 12 training program. It will be a trying & lonely time for their little family so keep them in your prayers.
Love Your Personal 1 Year Survivor
Rachael
