I Did It!!!!

Well it has been 2 weeks since I have had my reconstructive surgery. It was a piece of cake compared to the mastectomy. No pain at all. It only felt like I was slightly bruised under my arms. It was actually more of a relief without having the expanders and ports in. My skin isn't as tight and things are really looking pretty good.

They were able to construct the nipples so I still have stitches around that area. Caitlyn said, "Ohh Mommy...boobies. No that not boobies. Those are spiders." LOL My stitches are black and she thought I had spiders on my breasts. Funny kid.

I won't be able to have the "filling" in for 6 months. So I am really bummed about that. They only put in the 600cc implants because the 700's looked unnatural. At this point, all of that is unnatural but I will have to trust their judgement. I guess.

On Monday, February 15th, 10 days after my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with breast cancer, I finished my last herceptin treatment. I can't believe it. When Shane and I got in the elevator he hugged me and told me he was proud of me. All I could do was wrap my arms around him and say, "I Did It!!!" And I Did. I knocked this one out of the ballpark. Sure there were so many times when I didn't feel good, was tired, no energy or tired of people helping that I would just curl up to Shane and cry. "I want my life back" However, I can't say that I do. Do I really want to go back to my old ways of thinking, how much closer this has brought Shane and I. I want to remember the past and I am so thankful I am here today but I am so looking forward to our future and our next 33 years together.

I heard on a TV program that a little girl told her Dad that she wanted to marry her Daddy because he was her "Anyway Friend". Well Shane is my "Anyway Friend". He has loved me sick, no hair, my moodiness, my frustrations, my crazy family, no boobs, new boobs and still...............He Loves Me Anyway!!!!!!! How Blessed Am I!!! I hate that we all had to go thru with this but it still daily reminds me of how blessed I am and how much we have to be thankful for.

I often look at my scars and wish they would go away because they are not very pretty but then it is part of my life story. Where I have come from and how much I have overcome. And daily I Remember. I am sure there are times when Jesus is totally frustrated at us, his children, and maybe clinches his fists only to feel the nail scars in his hands and remember how much he loves us and what lengths he was willing to go to save us. We all have our own scars. Some not so visible as others but we have them. Hopefully we can learn, remember and help others from our pain & scars. I have probably showed more people I do not know my breasts than I ever thought I could, but it is like a visible testimony of what I have overcome and beat in Jesus Name. Last Sunday Pastor Rick talked about the blind man who people continued to ask, "Who sinned. Him or his parents that he would be born like this?" The answer, It was so that God could be glorified and manifest.

That is how I look at my cancer. I don't think it was for anything I did or didn't do but that God would be given the glory. Yes he could have healed me but I had to go thru treatment. And I am Ok with that. I felt I would have to from the beginning and made peace with it. Yes I took drastic measures (double mastectomy, chemo & radiation) but how many people can go thru that and not really have been sick thru it all. Not many. And I praise God for it. That is my own personal miracle.

On another note, last night we had about 45 people over to have a going away party for Dustin, Yessie & Isabella. I believe it was a success. It was a lot of fun. Dustin talked about how he thought about the Marine Corp again because he knows that. Yessie asked him what his dream was and why shouldn't they shoot for that and be happy with what job he wanted to do. So she filled out the application for the Secret Service herself. Guess what? Within 6 months he had gone thru the whole process. We are very proud of him. We are going to miss them so much but I am so glad they are following their dreams. He is going to be doing a job he loves. He has his wife and beautiful baby girl by his side. What more can a man ask for!!!! He leaves March 4th. Flies out to Georgia on the 8th from DC for 11 weeks of training. Then he will have 2 weeks or so to more to DC then he has another 12 training program. It will be a trying & lonely time for their little family so keep them in your prayers.

Love Your Personal 1 Year Survivor

Rachael

Reconstruction Day

Today is the day. I have my reconstructive surgery today. I am a little nervous, excited, anxious & scared all at once. I am obviously nervous about going under anesthesia again. Even though it is mild but there are always risks. Excited to see what my new breast looks like. Anxious to have this done and over with it. And scared for the outcome and possibilties for error. But I know it is all in God's plan and He is in control of it all.

It will be a 3 hours surgery and I should be home this afternoon. Sounds like a piece of cake compared to before. LOL

So my prayer for me today is for peace of mind during my procedure and that the outcome will be wonderful and I will be happy with the work they are doing today.

Wish me luck with Lots of Prayer,

Rachael

Anyone who wants to see I could email you pictures. But for the sake of my fathers I won't post them on the blog.

Talk to everyone soon.

Our Beautiful Journey into a New Year

These are Our latest Family Pictures. I love them and think they turned out beautifully. Each time I look or upload them I admire each one and I am so thankful for the family God has blessed us with. I hope you enjoy seeing how much the kids have grown in the last year. Especially how grown up the boys look. How did I become the parent of a almost 10 year old. I don't feel that old. Even after the year I just had. LOL Oh well it is exciting seeing them each grow into their personalities. Caitlyn is in size 4T clothing and a size 9 shoe. She is not even 2 1/2 years old yet. She is talking so much. Almost nonstop when she is awake.

I was fixing lunch for Caitlyn and she asked for Macaroni and Cheese. I told her I didn't have any. She says, "Well how about some noonles" She is too cute. Each night when I lay her down and cover her up she says, "Thank you Mommy. I love you!" No matter how the day has gone or what she has done or the boys, it makes it worth it all just to hear those sweet little words.

The other night Connor and Chandler had some friends spend the night. Chandler apparently hit one of the other boys in his "privates". This little boy proceeded to tell Connor if you get hit there than you won't have any kids. I heard Connor say, "That is not true." I went in told them to go to sleep. Of course Connor was not done with this conversation. So he asks me. I told him that if you got hurt there very bad then it was possible for things not to function properly. Pretty good right? Wrong. Connor says, "That doesn't make any sense. Boys don't have babies!!!" LOL What am I going to do with him?? Too funny though.

Ok. So for my New Years Resolutions, I figured if I blog them than I would be more apt to follow thru with them if it was all out there for everyone to know and hold me accountable.

1. Lose 10 lbs or talk Shane into having another baby. LOL Contradictory I know. My list. Make your own.

2. Read my devotional/bible every day or at least M-F. Sunday is church. Again my list. Good for you if you do every single day. I am starting somewhere. OK.

3. Not holler at the boys so much. Be more patient

4. Get more involved with the boys school.

5. Make more "We Time" for Shane & I.

6. Make a new friend

7. Be a better friend to the ones I have

8. Don't be so critical of others.

9. Positive Thoughts only

10. Enjoy each moment of every day.

11. Catch up on all my Shutterfly Books.

I think that about sums it up. So now I am held so accountable by all of you.

Well on Wednesday it will 14 years since I married the Love of my Life. I would have to say that this was one of the most trying of all of them. It was 13 of course!!! If I wasn't superstitious of the #13 I am now. LOL JK Kind of????

Anyway, he has been my rock thru all of this. I know most men would stay by their wife's side but I know there are those who don't. It becomes too much and they get scared and run. How blessed am I that I have a husband who has stood by my side thru it all. And it was a lot last year. Not just cancer either. Our motto was, "Just don't cry on the same day!" So if I was down he would encourage me and vice versa. Most of the time it was him encouraging me. My hormones were so out of whack.

But we made it. By the grace of God we Did IT!!! And so in celebration of that we are going to Cancun, Mexico. I am so excited. I love Cancun!! It is very relaxing to us both. I can't wait. We leave Wednesday morning and will be in Cancun by 11:30am. You can't beat it. We don't leave until 4:30pm on Sunday. So 5 days & 4 nights of Heaven on Earth.

When we get back, on February 4th I have my reconstructive surgery. 1 day before my 1 year Anniversary of being told, "You have breast cancer." But I am a survivor. I only have 2 more herceptin treatments. One on the 25th and one February 15th. Yeah!!!!!!!!!!! Then it will only be follow up appointments.

In church yesterday, Pastor Doug was talking about Jesus going into the wilderness and experiencing trials. He asked if we were willing to go thru a trial for ourselves or the sake of our families. My answer: "Not me" LOL I did that last year. The end of 2008 I prayed that God would use me however he chose, without taking my life, to bring our family & extended family to a place of realizing that we desperately needed God in our lives more than ever. We had just experienced the separation of my mom & step dad a few months before. That was a big blow to our family. And so I prayed that prayer that God would use me. Guess what happened about 30 days later. I found my lump. So I am not volunteering anytime soon for any trials this year. Anyone else want to volunteer??? LOL This year is about healing and learning to live again.

This year has a lot of promise and I am still holding to God's promise of Jeremiah 29:11.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So I am looking forward to God's plans in our life, on our Journey in this New Year He has given us. I can't wait to be prospered, given hope & live for the future. I have the opportunity for a second chance in life. Now how am I going to use it? I have a different perspective on life after this past year. I am not sweating the small stuff this year either. I am ready to live with hope for my future.

All my love,

Rachael

New Beginnings

Happy New Year

Everyone!!!!!

I know there are probably a lot of people who are glad that it is finally a new year for new beginnings, however I don't know if there is anyone more glad than our family. After the year we have had.....Wow. Thank you God that it is a NEW YEAR!!!!!

As a family, we have gone thru a lot of obstacles last year & amazingly and miraculously we have overcome. We are all survivors of 2009. The crapiest year ever. WooHoo!!!!!!

As you can see, Caitlyn received her first fourwheeler. She loves it & looks so cute like a such a big girl on it. The boys got BB guns from Papa Robin & Grandma Chris. They had a blast shooting them out at Grandma & Papa's.

Wednesday evening we celebrated Christmas with Tony, Kim, Chandler & Bryson. We had nachos/tacos for dinner. Not very traditional but it was delicious.

Thursday Shane put "some assembly required" toys together for the kids. We baked and then went to Grandma Lins for Christmas Eve as we do every year. We had homemade soups and bread for dinner. Then we came home and had our Christmas with the kids at our house. Needless to say it was a long day and we finally went to bed around 11:30 or so.

The next morning we got up and headed for Papa Robin and Grandma Chris'. Our ritual for Christmas Day. We opened gifts around 1 and then had an awesome meal of Beef Bourguignon. We stayed over on Friday night. And spent the day there. We cut down a vine in the woods and the guys had to swing. Needless to say, Daddy & Connor didn't make it all the way. They both fell in the water. Later we drove into Raleigh to see syncronized Christmas Lights to Christmas Music. It was really cool. Then we drove home and again didn't get home and in bed till about 12am.

Shane was off the following week. Which has never happened. He did go in on Tuesday to take care of a few things. The boys wanted to go too. They thought it was "Go to work with Daddy Day". LOL They got up at 4:45am. By 11am, Connor was asleep in the truck on the way back home. But they thought it was totally cool to get up with Daddy, have coffee, cheesestick & a granola bar.

We took down the Christmas decor later that week. Caitlyn was so sad to see the Christmas tree come down. She is still singing Christmas songs. Jingle Bells and We Wish You a Merry Christmas are her favorites. Speaking of Caitlyn she is doing pretty good on potty training. Hopefully I have bought my last box of diapers. We shall see. She is talking so good now. I look at her and can't believe how much she has grown in the past year.

Shane went back to work today. I miss him. Other than our cruise to Alaska for 10 days I have never had that much time off with him. It was so nice to have him home with us. I even missed the boys. The house was so quiet. Caitlyn when she woke up said, "I go downstairs and see Daddy." She was disappointed that he was not home. Then the school called and I had to pick Chandler up because he was coughing so much. I think he is getting bronchitis again. Fun stuff. So we started his inhaler again. Hopefully that will work. Caitlyn is finally feeling better. She has had a bad cold and cough the last 5 days or so. Connor is starting too. So I really don't want to spend $75 to take them all to the doctor.

Mom is still visiting friends in Oregon. She is coming home later this week. We miss her. It is weird not having her home while we were all off. The kids keep asking when she is coming home. Soon.

So overall we have been very busy but had a relaxing week at home with all of us. It was very nice. We had some really good family time together with the kids. I really am thankful to just be here for another year. As the new year came in and I sat next to Shane in our living room with the boys, (Caitlyn was asleep) I wept for all we have been thru this year and how blessed I am to have such an awesome family who supported us thru this last year. Thankful that I was here period. But most of all for a second chance at life, a new year & new beginnings.

There are a lot of changes in our family this past year. We have been thru cancer, divorce, car wrecks, job loss, income cuts, & adjusting to new relationships. None of this has been easy for anyone. But guess what? We made it. If we can make it thru this past year....I truly believe we can do anything. I think we are finally on the brink of the top of this mountain we have been climbing. And I am so excited to see what God has on the other side of this mountain.

So to my wonderful family...I know this year is going to bring new changes....especially Dustin, Yessie & Isabella moving to DC for his job with the Secret Service. Other than when my brothers were in the military we have always been close. Only 5 minutes from each other. So this will be a big adjustment. I always thought our kids would grow up together but now.....I guess God has other plans in store for all of us. So Family, if we can just keep trusting that he is in control and let him guide our paths. We will be A OK. I love you all so much.

So here is to a wonderful NEW BEGINNING OF 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! May we never take a day for granted. We still our truly a blessed family.

Love,

Rachael

Shipping & Handling

This is such a cute and funny story of a conversation my boys had tonight at dinner.

Connor was asking if he had $100 would it be enough to buy a Lego Crystal Sweeper. Chandler was told him that he wouldn't have enough because he would have to pay tax, shipping & handling. Connor asks, "Whats the handling for?" Chandler, "It means that if you don't buy handling that they will just throw it on your doorstep." Connor says, "Well that is rude! Why would someone just throw your toys on the doorstep?" Chandler says, " Because you didn't pay for the handling!!"

LOL How cute is that?!!! The things that kids say. I love it.

Have a great evening!!

Rachael

Just Believe....And you will See

We seem to be so busy lately. There is so much going on. Trying to get all the Christmas shopping done is fun but time consuming. I love the holidays, especially this year. It always makes most people realize how blessed they really are no matter how bad that year has been.



I had my last fill on the 10th. She was very impressed by how quickly my skin tissue healed from radiation. In only 3 weeks it looked normal. Thank you Jesus. She says she never has tissue heal that quickly and then do a fill that same day. But she did it on me. Yeah!!!! Then I went back 3 days later for the final one on Thursday the 10th. So now she said we could schedule the surgery for the week of February 8th for my reconstructive surgery. She will also be able to do my nipples at the same time. I laughed and said, "Yeah, I haven't seen those in so long!" LOL Crazy the small things in life that make us happy. LOL Then about a month later she will tattoo on the areola. Fun stuff HUH!!!! So I am finally proportional and very full. Much to the delight of my hubby. LOL




I had herceptin on Monday 14th yesterday. I also saw Dr. Lemantani. I told him all of the side affects again and he said apparently my body just will not tolerate the Tamoxifin. Bummer!!! In a way. It is more of a preventative medicine but my body just will not handle it. And there is no alternative meds to take. So like my Grandma Shirley said, "She is healed of cancer in Jesus Name, so why should she have to take anything more." So here we go Grandma, in Jesus Name. It still is kind of scary though. My biggest fear is that it will come back somewhere else. Obviously not my breasts because those are gone but anywhere else would not be good at all. But the good news is I can have a baby if I, I mean we want. LOL Shane says I am totally crazy. So I don't know. We will have to wait and see. I didn't think it would be possible till I was 39 and that would be crazy. Sorry Aunt Carolyn. LOL However, God changed that. So maybe........But at least now it is a possibility. And that makes me feel better about at least having a choice in the whole thing.




Last week on December 8th, a lady whose book I think I mentioned that I read when I was first diagnosed. Her name was Glenda, she lived here in Harrisburg and the book was "Victory thru Breast Cancer". She passed away on the 8th. I didn't know her but only her story. She had been cancer free for almost 20 years. It came back in her sinus' and when they did surgery she bled into her brain, was having seizures and passed away in a hospice. I have never been an overly fearful person about much of anything. But CANCER scares the crap out of me!! I have seen what it can do and does and know I am so blessed for how "easy" my journey was compared to others. Would I be so lucky the next time around? I guess that is where faith steps in and has to take over.




Well our family prayer for the last 3 months or so, really for the last 18 months but ever more fervently the last few months was for us to sell the Jacobs Ridge house by Christmas or the end of the year. The kids have been praying with us also. Chandler asked me the other day, "What happens if it doesn't sell?" I told him it just must not be God's time for us to do so but let's not think that way and have faith that God will sell this house soon. We do have a family who is looking at it for the second time last week. So we are hopeful and very prayerful that this is our Christmas Miracle on its way. The Bible says he knows what we have need of even before we ask. So now we just wait.........In Jesus Name. And Oh What a faith builder for our Boys to see how God really does answer our prayers when we ask. I can't wait to see what He is going to do.



Our next family Christmas Miracle is with my youngest brother Dustin and his wife Yesenia. Dustin several months ago applied to the Secret Service. He has gone thru rigorous interviews, drug tests, a 4 hour lie detector test, family, friends & job interviews, health exams & physical fitness tests. One of the recruiters told him it usually takes 12-24 months before acceptance, but Dustin has prayed that God would open the doors and show him what direction his life is supposed to go and that he would be obedient to walk thru that door. So guess what God did. After only about 4 months, Dustin has been accepted into the Secret Service. Talk about God working fast. He is so excited and we are so proud of him. We will miss them so much when they have to move to D.C. but know that he is in the will of God.



So this week I am going to try and finish Christmas shopping so I won't have to be out there next week with all the procrastinator's. LOL I would rather be home baking. So that is my plan anyway. We shall see how that goes. Tomorrow I have a follow up Radiation appointment, Thursday Chandler's Christmas party & Connor's is on Monday. Baking on Monday with Yessie and maybe Audra. Christmas with Tony on Wednesday, Christmas Eve with Mom, & Christmas Day at Shane's parents. So busy busy busy but loving every minute of just being alive. Sometimes I start to get stressed about everything and I just have to slow down and say to myself, "Does it really matter?" or look at my children and know I am truly a blessed mommy.



All my love,
Rachael

One Big Happy Dysfunctional Family

Bellas Family at her Dedication on

Sunday November 29th, 2009

The Whole Higginbotham Clan

Baby Gavin 8 months Old


Bella Boo 13 months Old


Papa Fred, Shane & I celebrating our birthday at

The Higginbothams over Thanksgiving.


Our Family with Papa Fred and Shane's Parents

CaityBug

Uncle Chad with Gavin

Mommy Daddy & Caitlyn having Thanksgiving Dinner.

Dad with his 3 kids

Yesenia & Bella

Mom with her 4

GrandBabies

Caitlyn eating my Birthday Cake

Travis & Audra

Connor with Mommy

Beautiful Bella

Tony with the Boys

Pastor Ross after dedicating Bella

Isabella Grace Lassiter

Well as you can see we have still been very busy. Of course we celebrated Thanksgiving which was especially special this year to me. Then we had Bella dedicated on Sunday & then my 34th birthday.

We went to Shane's parents in Raleigh area for Thankgiving Day. His brother Chad and his wife Marcella came up from Florida. So that was nice to see them again. The boys loved being able to ride their four wheelers. Caitlyn too. She loves to ride with her Daddy. She spent about a half an hour throwing pine cones into the pond. We tried to have a bon fire that night but all the wood was too wet.

We celebrated Shane, Papa Fred & my birthday while we were there. And Christmas for Chad and Marcella because they won't be able to come up for Christmas. We took a lot of family pictures. It is very rare that we are all together. And with Papa getting up in age, 81 now, you just never know when it will be the last holiday that you might all have together. So Papa and I decided this year we were just Thankful to be here period.

My Dad Kyle flew down from Idaho/Oregon for Thanksgiving also. He spent the day with the boys, Travis & Dustin. But he stayed with us the rest of the weekend. We get to see him about twice a year. The summer and usually one holiday. So while he was here Dustin & Yessie had Bella dedicated. As you can see from the first picture, we were all there and her side of the family also.

I started last Monday taking my Tamoxifen. That is the pill that I am supposed to take for the next 5 years. However, all last week I was feeling sick. Like I was going to throw up all week. I kept thinking that it was just a flu bug because Shane has been sick Monday and Tuesday. But then I became very moody, having horrible thoughts & just didn't feel at all like myself. So Shane said to maybe try and take it at night instead. So I didn't take it on Sunday and felt fine, but I took it that night before I went to bed. I was so sick all night. Monday was horrible. It was like it was all built up in my system or something. I was so bad I had to ask Shane to come home and hour or so early. I have never ever done that. I was miserable. So needless to say Shane had to come home and take care of me, the kids, house and all. I hated it. The next day was my birthday and I was still sick. Not quite as bad but still felt horrible. So we had to cancel our dinner plans to go to Barringtons in Charlotte. I was so bummed. My neighbor, Mrs. Costner, brought us dinner from KFC. It was the grilled chicken with all the trimmings. It was so nice not to have to worry with dinner but KFC was not what I had in mind for my bday dinner. LOL Oh well.

I am so much better now. I had called the doctor on Monday and they told me to stop taking the medicine immediately. So I have to go back on the 14th and we will see what Dr. Lemantani says. Shane took me out to dinner Saturday night to Barringtons to make up for having to miss dinner Tuesday night. The meal was delicious and awesome.

Thank you to all for your continuing support, love & most of all your prayers.

Love,

Rachael