The First Day of Battle: Weapon of Choice: Chemotherapy

Today is my first day of chemo. Shane was gracious enough to let me sleep in and get the boys up himself. Which was good too because Caitlyn was up a lot last night coughing & a high fever. She was in bed with us this morning.

My appointment was at 9:00am so we left around 8:00am because we needed to stop by CVS to pick up all my medications. One of them Emend I had to take this morning when I got here.

However apparently the insurance only allows 1 pill per month. My prescription was for 3 pills. But I needed it today and obviously had no time to fight with the insurance company. So I had to pay for it out of pocket. A whopping $439.00 for 3 pills. All my other ones were only $26.00.

I was furious. Not a good way to start off my "battle day". Here we are trying to deal with this and it is only the beginning and already I am having trouble with insurance not wanting to pay for something.

I called the insurance company on our way here. The man I spoke with said he needed pre-authorization from the doctor that I did indeed need 3 of these pills. Isn't that what the prescription was for? Duh-Huh!!!! Needless to say I was P.O. ed. The doctor's office now has to call in for an pre-authorization and then they will let me get the 3 pills for only $45.00. Jerks. Ripoff insurance companies trying to get by with just the minimum while I am trying to fight cancer. They should be ashamed of how they treat patients when you really need it.

Ok enough of that. We arrived at the doctors office a few minutes early. I really have been OK so far with all of this. I think because I still feel so normal and healthy. But as we sat in the waiting room, other patients started arriving and as I watched most of them come in with their balding heads with toboggans on it really it me that it would be me next time coming in with little or no hair. I couldn't help it and the tears began to fall. Shane held my hand and told me he loved me.

But all I could do was cry my silent tears as I watched those brave souls also fighting for their lives but losing their hair. I don't know why my hair is bothering me so much. I just hope when it happens I have the strength to be strong for my family but mainly my kids. I can't let them see me down. I want this experience to make them stronger in life, not for them to look back on this time in our lives and have bad memories. I want to keep our lives so full of love & laughter. I want for them to remember this time as being a time that we all grew closer as a family, that we took this time to really appreciate and live life to the fullest, but most of all grew closer to God.

Because really, we don't know what will happen or when.

After my crying session, Dr. Limentani came in & told me I was too nice and that I needed to get a kicka** attitude going towards this cancer. Next, they took us back to get started. I do not have a port put in so I had to have an IV put in. They tried in my forearm which my vein was too small. Next they tried in my hand and blew my vein. So then they had another male nurse come and put it in the bend of my elbow. She kept telling me to think about happy things. I began to think of my 3 babies and my husband that I love so much & I know I am fighting and going thru this for them & myself. So that was not good at all. Bad start all the way around.

My nurse's name is Sue. She started me on an anti nausea medicine Aloxi and had me take my $439 pill Emend. LOL. Crazy Huh??!! The first part of my "cocktail" was Carboplatin. Next Taxotere, with this one a side affect is that it can affect your finger nails making them peel, crack and pull away from the nailbeds. Bad for infection. So to prevent this they have you take a nail bath. You put your fingers in ice water to essentially cut off the circulation of blood so the chemo meds don't get to your fingertips. It is so freakin' cold. You can see the attached pictures. Now I am having my Herceptin which treats the HER2 in my body. I really sound like I know what I am talking about. My vocabulary has been largely expanded in the last week.

I feel pretty good. I am starting to feel like I have a big "medicine head" but here they call it "chemo head". LOL But that can kind of give you an idea of what I am feeling. I am tired of sitting here but Ok otherwise. Shane has been great. Staying by my side, getting me lunch, helping me get up & down with all these IV's and cords. This stuff goes straight thru you.

I actually met someone hear that I know. I haven't seen her in 13 years but we used to work at Heilig-Meyers together. That seems like a lifetime ago. She also has breast cancer not as bad as mine thank God but in her left side also. We are going to go to the Look Better, Feel Better class together. I hate she has it also but it is nice to have someone you know to go thru this with you.

What are the chances of meeting someone you know in chemo? Maybe it is not chance. No telling with God.

Well I am going to sign off for now. Thank you for all the emails and posts today. I may not be able to reply to all of them with so many but please know I do read all of them. It means so much that I have so many family & friends praying for me during this time. Don't stop!! Prayer is a mightier & stronger weapon then this chemo running thru my veins right now. With God's Help, We will make it thru this Battle with Victory.

Ok to end on a lighter and funnier note. As I stated this stuff goes right thru you, so I went to the bathroom and by the time I got there I had to go so bad I felt like poor Connor. I went to sit down and about fell in the toilet because some male idiot left the seat up. LOL Quit laughing Nikki, Mom & Charity. I could have hurt myself. Shane said I am experiencing chemo head. He said," Didn't you see that it was up?" Well I did but I had to go so bad that I forgot. Well I am done with chemo session #1 & overall I feel really good. I feel so good that Shane and I are going to check out the new IKEA store.

I am home now and everyone is amazed at how normal I am feeling. But I am sure tomorrow will be another story. I will keep you all posted.

Love ya,
Rachael