The Storm

Don't Tell God how Big Your Storm is.

Tell the Storm how BIG Your GOD is.

I saw this saying in the Bible Book Store today while looking for Mother's Day Gifts.

So this is for all of us who are in a storm right now. Go ahead and speak to that storm or mountain whatever it is in your way just like Matthew 21:21 says:

If ye have faith, and doubt not, but also if you shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be cast into the sea; it shall be done.

I pray and hope all of us will have the faith to speak to our storms/mountains to be removed, because according to God's Word, It Shall Be Done.

All my love, hope, & prayers,

Rachael Renea

Devotion for Today

Today when I opened my devotional bible this is what my scripture for the day was:

James 5:8 You too, be patient and stand firm!!

Wow, God surely does answer quickly!!! I didn't expect an answer that quickly but God truely does hear our hearts cries and answers. I am so humbled by how he sees each one of us and meets our needs.

Love,
Rachael

Be Still????

Sunday in church was Missions Sunday. The missionary family The Oakleys are from our own church here in Concord, NC. They are planning to go back to Central Europe this summer. He spoke about his call to the mission field and how that only 2% of Europe is born again. How sad!! Anyway a few things he said really ministered to me.

"When circumstances change it doesn't change who God is or what he is called us to do!"

I had no idea as I sat in church on Sunday what that statement would mean to me come Monday morning. He also talked about how when the children of Israel were wanting to go into the Promised Land and God told them to cross over the river first and help their brothers then they could possess the The Promised Land. His question to all of us was this:

"What is God asking you to cross over?"

Right now I can honestly say, "I have no earthly idea."

What am I supposed to learn from this new mountain in my way. But now as I right this maybe I am supposed to speak to that mountain, "Be thou Removed." or Maybe I am just supposed to "Be Still" I don't know but when I figure it out I will let you know. I guess I am in a state of confusion at this point. But I am trying my best to deal with it, but still every once in a while just want to cry. Just one of those days.

Yesterday I had my 4th chemotherapy. That means I only have 2 more to go, 6 weeks, June 8th is the last day. Yeah!!!! I had a few questions for Dr. Lemintani this time. I asked whether I would have to take the tamoxifen for 5 years. Apparently I do which I didn't think I did because of being HER2 +. Then I asked about my hot flashes. He said to try and take Vitamin E. He said that if I was already having menopausal symptoms that more than likely I would not be able to conceive after all this is said and done. I was shocked & so disappointed. It is one thing to make that decision yourself not to have anymore but to have the option taken away from you is horrible. I really wanted to try to have another baby after all of this & as bad as it sounds I knew I could probably talk Shane into it after having to go thru all of this. Which I probably could have. He says that is very cocky of me. I think of it as confident. Needless to say I cried my eyes out. I was so sad. I still am. I just wanted to hide away and cry my little heart out.


I did off and on throughout the day. Shane was as supportive as he could be. I know he is fine the way our family is now but still.....I don't think the emotions are quite the same as mine. After chemo, Shane took me to a movie and then dinner at a restaurant called Sonoma. It was different but good. We got home around 8:30pm. We had to check homework and then it was time for bed. I just wanted to hold Caitybug. She was already asleep but I still went up and held her and just sobbed for the next baby I might not be able to hold. I just can't believe I more than likely will never be pregnant, feel my baby move in my tummy, have delivery & hold that precious little baby in my arms again. I loved being pregnant. This is going to be really hard for me to accept.


My thinking in all this is that after chemo, I can wait 6 months for the drugs to get out of my system and then see if Dr. Lemantani will give me 3-6 months to try and get pregnant and if not I will accept that it is not meant to be. They highly recommend not getting pregnant while on Tamoxifen for 5 years. I would be 39 by then. Way past anytime I should or would want to be getting pregnant. So we will wait and see what happens. Maybe God has another plan.


Gotta go and put Caitlyn in bed and tuck the boys into bed.
Love to all,
Rachael

Motorcylcle Madness on Freaky Friday

Friday around 4pm the four of us, Shane, myself, Dustin & Yessie headed out for Blowing Rock, NC. Traffic was not that bad although Dustin about took a ride on a trailer behind a mini van. Funny now, but not then. His foot peg clipped the trailer and Yessie had to lift up her leg to avoid hitting the trailer. Not sure what happened there. We got right outside of Hickory when it began to pour down rain like crazy. Nothing like getting pelted to death by rain on top of the fact that it was thundering & lighting everywhere. That is scary. We couldn't see on top of that so we pulled over to one of those roadside places that sale birdhouses, honey, & boiled peanuts. They apparently sold rocking chairs and swings so we had a comfy place to sit and wait the storm out.

From the first few pictures you can see how hard it was pouring. We were soaked and all only had one pair of pants. Shane said it was my fault because I had to run back into the gas station for a Twinkie and sunflower seeds. All we needed were those 5 minutes. Sorry guys!!

We finally left around 7 pm from our detour. We were literally only about 3 miles away. LOL But when you can't see on a motorcycle not too smart to keep going. Anyway we got to the hotel about 5 minutes later and checked in soaking wet. We went to try and dry our clothes out by hanging them by the heater and ironing them out. LOL It was insane. We had reservations for dinner there at 8:00pm so we had to hurry. We all still went to dinner with semi wet pants. Oh Well. We were the only ones in the 10 table dining room. The hotel said it was historic. It was HISTORIC alright!! LOL It smelled old and like smoke. You could hear the broiler and all the water pipes hung down from the ceiling. We all just laughed. We knew it was trips like these that we would never forget.

Shane's parents got there around midnight. We got up the next morning to head out and low and behold Dustin's pipe on his motorcycle had cracked. So Shane had to go to a hardware store and get some metal zip ties to hold it together till we got home. LOL I am telling you it was hilarious. Things just kept happening. We fixed that and went for breakfast at a place in Blowing Rock called Knights. Shane's parents had eaten breakfast there on their honeymoon 35 years ago. It was a mom and pop type place with good food.

After breakfast we headed for the Linville Caverns. It took about 45 minutes or so. Yessie had no idea of what to expect, but I think overall she enjoyed it. We left there and went to the Linville Waterfalls about 15 minutes up the road. We hiked to the first waterfall and we were pooped, at least I was. I could tell I haven't exercised much since I was diagnosed. I intend to remedy that. There are 4 or 5 waterfalls total with picnic areas and such. It would be a great day trip full of hiking and God's beautiful creation.

Leaving there we headed for a small town called Little Switzerland, NC. We ate at the Switzerland Cafe. They have awesome sandwiches and sweet potato fries. If you have never tried our southern sweet potato fries you have no idea of what you are missing. Don't knock it till you try it. They are really good. We eat them at home all the time. After lunch, we parted ways with Shane's parents. They headed home and we took Hwy 80 down the mountain home. It was a good ride, but as we came around one corner another biker had apparently had to lay down his pretty blue Harley. He was still laying in the road but talking. We asked if he was OK. He said he was. There were already other people there too. It wasn't until about 15 minutes later that we saw the EMT headed up the mountain. Hopefully he was fine and just needed a way to get down the mountain seeing as how it didn't look like he was going anywhere on his bike.

We went thru Polkton, Lincolnton, & Huntersville heading home. As we were riding thru one part a dear jumped right in front of Dustin & Yessie. It was a huge doe. We were able to slow down in plenty of time, but you never know what could have happened. It was really pretty thru there. You could see all of the beautiful acreage of rolling hills and lots of land. Makes you start dreaming...... I want land one day for my kids to ride their four wheelers, ride a horse and explore. I only have about 7 years till Chandler will not want anything to do with us and has a job and probably won't be home much. So hopefully in the next few years we can achieve that dream.

We finally got home around 7:30 pm. We were sore & exhausted. Chandler was waiting for us outside. Grandma Lin and the kids, more Grandma & Chandler, had been busy planting flowers and some vegetables for us this summer. Yummy. He was very proud of the hard work he had done and so were we. Mom said he carried 40lb bags of dirt for her. He didn't want her to do it. What a gentleman! He can be sweet when he wants to.

So as you can tell we had a great time with a lot of excitement. And we came home safe and sound to our children. I am thankful to my mom for watching the kids for us so we could go. Thank you Mom. We had so much fun. I am also thankful for a safe trip. As you ride along, you see all of creation it makes you really grateful for all you have and for such an awesome God.

All my love,

Rachael

Living Life

Here is my silly little girl with the black bucket on her head. She thinks it is a hat. LOL She is so funny. She loves to be outside playing on her slide.

So today we leave for our motorcycle trip. I am so excited. It has been over 2 years since we have gone. It was always something. I was pregnant, nursing just anything. So needless to say it has been awhile. So I am really looking forward to it. It is hot outside 90 so it should be a good ride going up to Blowing Rock, NC. We are staying at the Green Park Inn. The have a restaurant there so we will be eating dinner there when we get in. Hopefully we do not get stuck in too much traffic.

Dustin & Yessie and Shane's Parents will be joining us on our trip. This will be Dustin & Yessie's first overnight motorcycle trip. It should be a lot of fun. We are all looking forward to it. Blowing Rock is always beautiful. It is a small town in the mountains of NC. We love going up there just to get away. It is only about 2 hours away. Not to close & not to far.

Mom is watching our kids and Yessie's mom and dad are watching Isabella. We have taken the kids up there for an overnight trip and they love it too. They like walking the streets, seeing the shops, getting ice cream & fudge, then going to play at the park. We really like it there.

On our way home we are going to stop at the Linville Caverns. We have all been there but Yessie and for Dustin it has been a long time. So it should be an interesting ride. We will come home via the Blue Ridge Parkway.

I probably won't have time to blog until Saturday night or Sunday. But now you know why.

I finally have the paint colors for the playroom, boys bath & bedrooms. I will probably go get them first of next week if Mom doesn't have a chance to this weekend. She will have my 3 kids and Connor is going to a birthday party on Saturday. So she will be pretty busy with just that.
I took all the stuff off the walls in the playroom and Chandlers room and puttied the walls for the holes that were left. I still have a lot of organizing and going thru all of their toys and stuff because we are having a Neighborhood Yard Sale on May 9th. So we have a lot to do. I love getting rid of junk. I like the feeling after it is all said and done. Key Word: DONE!!

So I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. I know I will.

Love to all,
Rachael

What Does it Take to HOPE?

Someone recently gave me a book called, "I hope you Dance". It is based on the song by Lee Ann Womack. The little book is by: Mark Sanders & Tia Sillers. This "Poem" really hit home for me and my life. I hope it means something to someone else too. So I say, "Never give Up!! Never ever lose your Hope & Faith."

What is Hope?

What is hope?

To want? To desire?

To expect that what's envisioned may indeed happen?

YES to all of the above.

Is hope that gut feeling that it's

worth holding out & hanging on for just a little longer?

ABSOLUTELY!

Is hope the core of the human condition?

CERTAINLY!

Can you have hope without faith & humility & wonder?

THAT'S TOUGH!

Just the thought that there is someone bigger, someone truer, something totally surprising out there waiting for us is....

PRICELESS!!

What would you be without hope growing deep in your bones, thriving in every inch of you?

NOTHING.

So what does it take to Hope?

EVERYTHING!!!!

So to anyone out there who just sometimes wonders if it is worth it, Don't give up on HOPE! It is a mighty powerful thing to go along with your FAITH, no matter how small you feel that it is!!

Love & Prayers

Rachael Renea

PS. A family friend has a very sick little grandson about the age of my CaityBug who was diagnosed with CHARGE syndrome. He and all of his family need a lot of prayer in making medical decisions on his behalf. His name is Lestat. I know that there are a lot of people who read my blog and who pray for me daily. So if I could ask and call upon everyone of you to add Little Lestat to your prayer list beside me that would be awesome. I totally believe in all of your prayers because God is answering them and I really am a walking miracle. I have not been nauseous or thrown up not one time and I can visible feel my tumors shrinking. How unheard of and miraculous is that!! I know there are people in Oregon, Idaho, Washington, Washington D.C. ,North Carolina, Ohio, Virginia, Florida, Oklahoma & Texas praying for me daily. I know we serve a mighty God. And as much as we love our children or grandchildren Our Heavenly Father loves them that much more. So Please pray for this little boy who truly needs a miracle.

Joke for the Day

My husband is in the shower at the beach and says, "Hey Babe, Do you have any shampoo?" I laugh and reply, "Did you seriously just ask a bald lady for shampoo?" LOL LOL Too funny.
Just had to share. I thought it was funny.

Our Beach Trip

This week we were able to go to the beach. It was so relaxing and fun. I was able to read 4 whole books. Yeah!! That hasn't happened in awhile. I love reading as you can obviously tell. The kids had a blast . They did not care that the water was freezing at all. It was crazy. Even Caitlyn was in the water. Not as much, but she loved it. Isabella, my niece loved the sound of the waves. Every time you would take her outside to walk on the beach she would fall asleep. She is her Grandma's girl. It was breezy the whole time we were there but bearable. The sun shone every day but the day we arrived but the kids still went out. They found probably about 100 shark teeth while we were there & Connor found a clam still in the shell. He was so excited. We steamed it and opened it up. Way cool in his book.

Shane was able to come down and spend a few days with us also. He was able to get some much needed rest & relaxation. Dustin came down Thursday evening and spend the weekend with us. He decided after being married for almost 5 years & having Isabella that bachelorhood sucks. LOL. He was glad to see Yessie & Isabella.

On Saturday, Chandler needed to go to a birthday party for one of his best friends & neighbors, Heath Tillman and Mrs. Stacie, Heath's mom was so gracious to take Chandler earlier than the party started so that Yessie could go to the baby shower. She also kept him with her family till we came home today. She is such a good neighbor and friend. Thanks Stacie for everything, So after dinner on Friday, Yessie & Chandler left for home. She dropped him off at his birthday party, ran some errands & then went to her baby shower. She decided to not come back to the beach because we were leaving on Sunday late morning. Dustin got to play Mr. Mom for the weekend. He did really good though. Yessie would be proud. She was a little lonely for her hubby but most of all her baby girl whom she has never left. But all three of them survived.

Shane's parents were able to join us also for the weekend. Chris came up on Thursday afternoon and Robin Saturday afternoon. We are so glad they were able to be with us. The kids love to spend time with them both.

We got home today about 4:30 pm. Not a bad drive at all. Yessie pulled in behind us to get her baby girl. Shane was so good to start laundry and unpack his and the boys stuff. Thank you Babe. You are the best. I really appreciate all the help. It keeps me from being overwhelmed & exhausted.

I have treatment tomorrow. They expect my blood levels to be very low. I feel pretty good. A little tired but not as tired as I thought that I would be. Usually my counts are low on day 15 after chemo, but they were already low on day 8 so we will see how they are tomorrow. After treatment at 3, we are having dinner with Tony at Max's Alley. I love that place and I am looking forward to dinner tomorrow night.

I also want to say Thank You to the Johnsen Family for allowing us to use their beach house & the awesome gift basket you left for the kids. They thoroughly enjoyed playing with all the goodies. You guys have been great friends to our family and we really appreciate your kindness, thoughts & prayers.

Have a Blessed Week,

Rachael

The Guys Day Out

Here are a few pictures of the guys on their day out with the four wheelers. They had a lot of fun as you can tell. It had rained heavily the night before. But that made them have all the more fun in the mud pits. The also have zip lines, camping, & tubing for other activities. So I am sure we will be taking a family camping trip there soon. Shane & Dustin had borrowed Robin's 4 wheelers, but now they think they have to get their own. I should have known. Oh Well. They deserve it. Enjoy the pictures.

The Pictures above are Dustin, Chandler, Connor, & then Shane. The green helmet rider is Chandler. The Red one is Connor. Shane is in the black T-shirt & Dustin is the one going thru the mud that you can't see. LOL

When Connor 1st got his 4 Wheeler I said, "Cool you got a red one. Your favorite color!" And he said, "No Mom. It is Volcano Red!" Excuse me. LOL They are too funny.

Good Genes

These are my 3 precious babies & my baby Brother Dustin, his beautiful wife, Yesenia & my niece Isabella Grace.

This was a crazy busy weekend. Hence, not making a post until now. On Thursday night, Shane and I drove almost to Greensboro to meet his mom to give her Caitlyn for the night. Then we backtracked to Winston-Salem to go to a Chris Tomlin concert. It was amazing. To have one of the greatest worship singers/writers in the last few years to do a concert. It was literally almost "heaven on earth". It kind of gave you a small sense of how heaven will be. All the different people from all different walks of life all united for one cause, Jesus Christ and to worship him. There were several times that Chris would stop singing and you could hear the whole audience singing. It was indescribable. 7000 people singing "How Great is Our God" I loved every minute of it. The guy who opened was named Isreal Houghton. He is apparently the one who writes a good bit of the very well known worship songs that most churches sing. He was very good also. I didn't realize how many of his songs and Chris' that we sang. But it was so worth the drive.

Shane had made reservations for us to stay at the Embassy Suites in Winston. That was nice not to have to drive the 1 1/2 hrs to his mom and dads. We got up the next morning had breakfast and drove to Creedmoor to see his family, pick up Caitlyn, see our new nephew Gavin & get the boys 4 wheelers. We spent most of the day with his parents and Papa Fred. I have not been able to see them since I was diagnosed. Shane's mom Chris had been up here, but with Robin's work schedule and Papa Fred being in a wheelchair it makes it kind of hard to get away. Needless to say they were both a little emotional seeing me for the first time and they hadn't seen me bald. I told Papa Fred, "I never expected to have less hair than you do!" He laughed.

Shane and I took a ride on his Dad Robin's new Goldwing. It is like a motorcycle Cadillac. Armrests, speakers, radio, and a comfy seat for those long trips. I want one. LOL We rode over to see our new nephew, Gavin. He is Travis & Skyla's first baby. He weighed 9lbs even. And God bless Skyla she did it without an epidural. Wow!!! She is my hero. He doesn't even look like a newborn. It is crazy. But he has Travis' olive colored skin and dark hair like both of them. He was adorable. It has been almost 7 years since we have had a boy that little. I miss them being that small. He is really cute & most of all healthy.

We drove home with four 4 wheelers in the back of the truck and on the trailer. We got about 40 minutes down 85S and it bumper to bumper traffic all the way as far as you could see. So we got on 40E I think and went thru Chapel Hill & Asheboro down 49 home to Harrisburg. It was pouring down rain the whole way home and then about 20 min. outside of Asheboro there was snow on the sides of the road. Carolina weather for you. Snow in April. A little over 3 hours later we finally got home. It should only be a 2 hr drive. But Shane has to be moving. Oh Well we made it safely.

Saturday the boys got up around 6am and headed for South Carolina to go 4 wheelin'. They had an absolute blast. They didn't come home till about 5pm and they were covered in mud from head to toe. Their feet and knees were orange from Carolina red clay. I had to send them back into the shower to get it off. Shane & Dustin spent 2 hrs pressure washing all the mud off of the 4 wheelers. The night before it had thunder stormed and apparently where they went the boys found every mud pit there was. There are pictures of them up to their knees in mud holes. I'll post those by themselves. But anyway Mom wants to go next time. So we shall see. It does look like fun. Besides I won't have to worry about my hair. LOL

Mom had errands to run and last minute things for the weekend. Yessie went shopping for Easter clothes and I stayed at home with Caitlyn & Isabella & a killer migraine. It didn't hit me until Saturday so that was nice. But when it does man it hurts. I tried a new medicine which did nothing. However, I managed to make 4 loaves of homemade bread, broccoli salad, sweet potato casserole, tea, brownies, & a strawberry delight. So it was productive just a little slow with the migraine. We cooked hamburgers on the grill for dinner and called it an early night. Except for Mom who was up late getting all her stuff done.

Sunday morning I woke up yet again with a Migraine. It stinks when you wake up that way. Not a good start. I went to get the boys new outfits ready. Mom had picked up the dry cleaning the day before because I had the boys new shirts pressed. Guess what wasn't in with all the other clothes? All of the boys new clothes for Easter. I was so upset. I felt like crap and now my kids didn't have their new clothes to wear. I didn't care that I didn't have anything, my head hurt too much to go and look the day before, but I at least wanted the kids to look nice. So they had to wear something else. I went to go and get ready and I looked and myself, my bald self, and just felt so ugly. I began to sob. I got in the shower and continued to cry. I didn't want to look at myself or anything. My head hurt, the kids didn't have their clothes, I felt ugly, and then Shane had surprised me and went and bought a new suit. I have been bugging him forever to get one. He looked so awesome but I just felt worse. I thought he deserved better than this bald, pale woman who was looking me back in the mirror. I felt like when I put my wig on I was just a big fake. It just was not a good day at all. I haven't had to many but this was a bad one. I literally had to make myself and talk myself into going to church that day. I never have to do that. But I was mentally & probably spiritually fighting myself in my head. How could I not go on Easter???!!! It was really a battle for me to make myself go. But I did.

We came home and my head was still killing me. I was still crying. Shane didn't or couldn't understand why. I don't know if at that point I even understood it. I took 2 Tylenol & 2 Motrin, he held me and then I went to bed. He woke me up to eat. I felt better. Not totally but better. We had an awesome meal as usual. We celebrated my Tia Marta's birthday and she was totally surprised. We did an Easter Egg Hunt for the kids which they had so much fun doing. Then we did dessert and of course the best part...Naptime!!! We all took naps. Shane woke up early from his and did all the laundry for me. Yeah!!! I was feeling so overwhelmed with feeling like I was, I felt like the house was a mess because I didn't do anything the day before from having a headache and doing all that other stuff for Sunday, I still had to pack for the beach & I had treatment on Monday. Yikes. That is overwhelming for anyone. I am so thankful he helped me out. He is the best. Sometimes he doesn't know what to do and he will just hold me and let me cry, but other times he does and he just jumps in and does it even though I know he was tired himself.

Today I had my herceptin treatment. Tony took me because Shane couldn't get away from the office with the staff being short and he had to prepare for a board meeting at 1:00pm. So Tony picked me up and my appointment was at 10:15am. My port has a rash around it. Hydrocortizone does not work so they gave me the name of some other stuff to try. They choose not to use the port in case of infection. So they just did it in my arm instead. My blood counts were low today. Mom said she thought they would because my color was a little off. She was right. It usually is low on day 15 after chemo, but it was low today which is only day 8 after chemo. Not good. But I feel fine. Normally it is about 2.5-2.8 today it was 1.7. So they said I will probably be even lower by the weekend & day 15 which is next Monday. Hopefully not, maybe they will just stay the same. My immune system is getting lower so I have to be more careful & aware of everything. Especially with the kids and me not to get sick. In Jesus Name.

Well after all that I came home, got the kids packed and the phone rang. The lady from the genetics testing called me. I had forgotten with the hustle and bustle of everything else to check in with her. However she called me. We finally have more good news. I am negative for both the breast cancer & ovarian cancer gene. Thank You Jesus.

If it would have been positive they would have recommended me to have my ovaries removed as a precaution on top of my breasts. Plus that could have meant Dustin could have passed the gene to Isabella, my mom could have it, it could go on & on. I am so grateful and my heart was so full that God would answer one more prayer of mine. This is big and is very, very good news.

I still haven't packed my stuff yet but I will in the morning. Shane has fallen asleep beside me as I typed this. It took me so long with having to tell about a whole weekend. Oh well. I truly hope everyone had a blessed holiday weekend and enjoys this week. I will be at the beach so I know I will.

My love & prayers,

Rachael

Joy thru the Trials of Life

Today I was up fairly early and got a few things done around the house. Laundry & getting Shane's dry cleaning washed for pressing. Took that to the dry cleaners, went to try to find the boys something new for the boys to wear for Easter Sunday. Success. Yeah!!!! Dropped that off at the cleaners for pressing on my way home too. They are going to look so cute. Couldn't find anything for Shane or I but the kids will look awesome.

I was thinking of a little entrepreneur job, like I don't have enough going on but oh well. But it didn't work out. I am still a little disappointed. I was going to make a cake to send to a local restaurant where a friend works, but apparently I have to be a licensed baker to be able to do that. That stinks. Maybe I will check into what I would have to do to get my license. So now I have one of my famous Pineapple/Orange Cakes just sitting here. Any takers????? LOL I will probably share it with some of my neighbors & of course family.

Tonight at church Pastor Anthony talked about "Joy in the Junk of Life"!! In the beginning he urged us all to seek out the gift of the Holy Spirit and if you have it "USE IT" Get a sense of expectancy when you come to the house of the Lord. Expect God to do great things.
The text is from the book of James 1:1-10. In verses 2-4, he talks about trials and temptations & having joy thru them. It says count it all Joy, what is Joy. "Joy is that God is all you need. He is sufficient for me in my trail." When we recognize this it confuses the devil. The purpose of our trials is to purify and strengthen us. You can't have a testimony without a test/trial.

The next part of his lesson was Trust. This is one that I have struggled with, but I believe I have overcome any lack thereof. Pastor Anthony referenced James 1:5 with the fact that we need to trust in God & ask him for wisdom in faith. And he will give us the wisdom to get thru our trials. "Help us Lord to Surrender to your will in all of our lives. Let us always remember that you are in control. Praise him for the Victory!!"
His final statement was:

JOY OUTWEIGHS THE JUNK

WHEN YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU BELONG TOO.

I am so glad I know who I belong to. And I pray that God will continue to give me the patience and wisdom to deal with "My Journey". I know the joy that he has given to me during this time is unexplainable. I know my side affects or the lack there of are miraculous. I continue to thank God everyday for that.

So no matter what you are facing remember to trust God, keep the faith, & pray for wisdom. He will bring you thru it. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will carry you when you feel like you can't carry on. When you are weak he is strong. Just don't give up. He is still God. He is the same yesterday, today & forever. I can say all of this because I am going thru it myself. He has never left me. I have never felt as close to him as I have thur this "journey" he has shown me things, helped me to understand things I probably would never understood before, given me peace that is unbelievable with my family's business & different family issues, the insight to life in general, & along this walk somehow I have been able to others. That has been the biggest blessing of all. I have a very full & grateful heart for that.

All my love & prayers,

Rachael

Thanks Pastor Anthony for the Word tonight.

Half Way There: "I Am God Your Healer"

This is Shane & I at Chemo today. He has taken me to all of my Chemo Treatments. What a Man!! Thanks Babe.

Today is my 3rd Chemo Treatment, therefore I am half way done! Yeah!!!!! My final chemo is on June 8th and then I go to Herceptin every 3 weeks. So I think I will be able to fit in my Oregon Trip after all. God always provides a way. I was really going to miss my yearly getaway. It looks like my surgery is going to be mid-July or roughly 3-5 weeks after my final chemo. Not really looking forward to that at all but it has to come off. Only one for now, so I guess that is better.

Dr. Limentani examined me today and couldn't even feel my tumors. Yeah. I can just barely feel them b/c I know what I am looking for. Not that he doesn't but he feels a lot of breasts if you know what I mean. He forgets week to week. LOL That is funny. Isn't it. Go ahead and laugh. You know it is. LOL

Yesterday we went to the early service & then we took the kids to see Disney Playhouse Live. It was more for Caitlyn but Connor thought it was Ok too. Chandler just tolerated it. It was a little bit "childish" for my soon to be 9 year old son. Caitlyn loved it. She watched the whole thing without wiggling around. After the show we walked over to the epic center for ice cream at Cold Stone. Yummy!! Then Caitlyn & I took naps. Yeah!! LOL The boys played outside & Shane went mountain bike riding. I love Sundays.

I am having my last meds now. So I guess we will be out earlier than I thought. Bummer. Now I won't get dinner downtown tonight. Oh well. My blood counts and hemoglobin is still good. The lady next to me hers were low. And last week my friend Tanya's were low and she had to come in and get a shot. Yuck!! So for me so far so good and I feel wonderful. No headaches the last few days either. That makes me very happy.

Ok we are now home. Mom made homemade salmon patties for dinner. It was very good. Thanks mom. I was racking my mind of what I was going to cook b/c I really didn't think we would be home for dinner. So it was nice that mom was already doing it. What would we do without our moms.

I hope everyone has an awesome week. One of my thoughts week was sent to me by a friend who sent me a journal with verses that helped her mom in her battle. Thank you Ericka. I love my scripture journal.

II Corinthians 12:9

And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This is perfect for me, my family & our situation. In my weakness I hope and pray that God will use this for his glory and that he will give me rest.

Good Night,

Rachael Renea

Survivors Surviving

This is Caitlyn showing off her new sunhat. She thinks because Mommy wears a hat that she needs to also. She picked this one out herself. She is my little angelbug and she is beautiful.

Today I attended the Susan G. Komen luncheon downtown Charlotte at the Westin Hotel. We had lunch, giveaways, & special speakers. Most were women who were breast cancer survivors. It was very encouraging to see all of these women about 750 who have survived this and are doing so well. There was even a lady who was a 54 year survivor. If she can do it, I know I can. I met up with Sabrina and a few friends of hers who are also survivors. One of them lived in Harrisburg also. We discovered that we are all "lefties"! LOL Never been a lefty before. (Inside joke b/c my cancer is in my left breast) Just in case that went over some of your heads. LOL Yessie & Nikki!!! JK

Anyway Shane, Dustin, Yessie and all 4 of our kids went to the Food Lion Auto Show at the speedway today while Mom and I went to our luncheon. They said they had a lot of fun looking at all the cool cars & trucks. Tonight we are all going to grill out some steaks for dinner. I am looking forward to that. Dustin had a really cool "manly breast cancer" T-shirt made up. It looks like a motorcycle chopper black shirt but then in the middle of the design he had them put the breast cancer ribbon on it. He has been so awesome in showing his support for his big sis. Thanks Dusty. Love ya.

The boys went to the neighbors for a neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt at Ms. Holly's. She was kind enough to let them run some of their energy out before she sent them home. She is our social chairperson for the neighborhood & does a great job. Caitlyn is taking a nap,finally. Mom & Isabella are also taking a nap. Mom had some dental work done yesterday so she is a little sore still. Shane, Dustin & Yessie are at the grocery store getting stuff for tonight.

Today is a beautiful day in the Carolinas but my heart is in Nyssa, Oregon. Today was my cousin Nikki's Baby Shower and I really wanted to be there. But I got strep throat and I have Chemo on Monday. Sorry Nik. I really really wanted to be there for you. I know you understand but I hate that I missed it. Sometimes it is so hard being away from a lot of my family that is out West. I really miss them. Depending on how all my treatments and surgeries go this summer it might be the first summer in almost 20 years that I will not be able to go. I look forward to seeing family & I know the boys & Caitlyn do too. But we will see. If I am doing good they might let me skip one Herceptin Treatment and I could go for a week and a half. So we will just have to wait on that one.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday.

Good Night

Rachael

Life Doesn't Stand Still

One of the things that I have learned thru this journey is that "Life Doesn't Stand Still". Not for me or anyone else. The kids still need to get up for school, they still have homework, want a snack when they get home, Caitlyn still needs to be fed 3 meals a day, diapers to change, laundry to do, grocery shopping, well you get the point. Which is good. It helps keep my mind off of thinking about "me" too much and keeps me busy. It seems there is always something to do.

I am thinking about redoing the boys rooms. Chandler wants a Star Wars Room and we are putting a queen size bed in there that if we need to could double as a guest room. Connor for now will take over Chandler's room which is sports. We will change it up a bit. But only one room at a time. Maybe I will do their bathroom and let Connor decide what to do in there. Connor goes thru phases of whatever movie or new toy is out. So I want to do something in his room that will last a while. But not quite sure what right now. So I will wait until I think of something. I want to paint the boys playroom too. So like I said always something to do.

I was watching the interview that Oprah did with Michael J. Fox. By the way, I don't watch Oprah everyday. I record it and if it something worth watching then I watch it. Just so you don't think I just watch TV all day or something. I needed to clarify that. Anyway, he was talking about his disease of Parkinson's. One of the things he said is that you can't let your disease define who you are. There is so much truth to that. Some days I feel like it does. Especially days where my head has been killing me and I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep it away. But then I think, "This could be so much worse" "I am truly so blessed in the few side affects that I have had." I don't look "sick" other than the hair loss no one would know different. So that is my goal not to let breast cancer define "ME" It is only a small part of who I am. And I plan to use it to make me a better person when it is done.

Another thing that Michael said was, "You can't take moments back. Certain things in life have taken on more meaning because of what I am going thru. I don't know that I would look at things in life like I do, unless I had this disease." (Verbatim) It must be really any disease or major life change that a person goes thru that you look at life differently. With Travis and Skyla having little Gavin it reminds me of when we had Caitlyn 18 months ago. Shane made the comment, "I know I have seen this 3x now but each time it is a miracle." I told him it is hard to believe that anyone could not believe in God after going thru pregnancy & the birth of a little baby. It is so amazing to think that your love created this little being and 9 months later that little person is finally here. It makes you appreciate life, you fall more in love with your spouse watching them with the little life that you created together & you love this little person beyond words & belief and you don't even know them yet. It is wonderful.

I guess in everything, it is a choice of how you choose to deal with whatever life throws at you. As the scripture says, "As for me and my house. We WILL serve the Lord"

Tomorrow I go for genetic testing to see if I test positive for breast cancer gene & ovarian cancer. They recommend it because of me getting it so young, a lot of times it is genetic. I don't know a lot about my mom's side of the family. So it is better to find out now. I hope and pray they are negative. Especially for Caitlyn. I would never want her to have to go thru this. Hopefully me going thru this will keep her from ever having to walk this road. If the ovarian cancer gene is positive they will recommend that I have a hysterectomy also on top of having a mastectomy. Double wammy. I don't know if that is a word but only thing I could think of. So pray with us that it is negative. It takes 4 weeks to get the results. I guess I was still kind of hoping for another baby if I could talk Shane into it. I figured after all this I could talk him into anything. LOL. JK Kind of.

The last few days have been rainy. I got a sore throat and I am hoping it doesn't turn into strep. That is all I need. My blood counts so far are still really good. I have my 3rd Chemo on Monday. Only 3 more to go after that. I finish the 1st week of June. I am so looking forward to that. I will still have to go for herceptin but that is not too bad and it is shorter than Chemo.

Well I hope everyone has had a good week so far. Tomorrow is Friday. Yeah!! No homework for the boys. I hate homework. So I know they do. Chandler is having his 1st sleepover with a friend from school and he is so excited. Saturday someone is coming to give a quote for painting the boys rooms upstairs and Mom & I are going to a Breast Cancer Survivor Luncheon. And Sunday is church.

Well I got to go get the boys ready for bed. Shane is getting Caitlyn's baba ready and then we can sit down and do nothing. LOL Isn't that what most of us do after the kids are in bed? So good night for now.

All my love
Rachael

PS. Please pray for Baby Gavin. He is having irregular heartrates and trouble breathing. Also for Skyla who is still recovering from a long & difficult delivery. We love you guys and are praying for you in Jesus Name.