Life Doesn't Stand Still

One of the things that I have learned thru this journey is that "Life Doesn't Stand Still". Not for me or anyone else. The kids still need to get up for school, they still have homework, want a snack when they get home, Caitlyn still needs to be fed 3 meals a day, diapers to change, laundry to do, grocery shopping, well you get the point. Which is good. It helps keep my mind off of thinking about "me" too much and keeps me busy. It seems there is always something to do.

I am thinking about redoing the boys rooms. Chandler wants a Star Wars Room and we are putting a queen size bed in there that if we need to could double as a guest room. Connor for now will take over Chandler's room which is sports. We will change it up a bit. But only one room at a time. Maybe I will do their bathroom and let Connor decide what to do in there. Connor goes thru phases of whatever movie or new toy is out. So I want to do something in his room that will last a while. But not quite sure what right now. So I will wait until I think of something. I want to paint the boys playroom too. So like I said always something to do.

I was watching the interview that Oprah did with Michael J. Fox. By the way, I don't watch Oprah everyday. I record it and if it something worth watching then I watch it. Just so you don't think I just watch TV all day or something. I needed to clarify that. Anyway, he was talking about his disease of Parkinson's. One of the things he said is that you can't let your disease define who you are. There is so much truth to that. Some days I feel like it does. Especially days where my head has been killing me and I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep it away. But then I think, "This could be so much worse" "I am truly so blessed in the few side affects that I have had." I don't look "sick" other than the hair loss no one would know different. So that is my goal not to let breast cancer define "ME" It is only a small part of who I am. And I plan to use it to make me a better person when it is done.

Another thing that Michael said was, "You can't take moments back. Certain things in life have taken on more meaning because of what I am going thru. I don't know that I would look at things in life like I do, unless I had this disease." (Verbatim) It must be really any disease or major life change that a person goes thru that you look at life differently. With Travis and Skyla having little Gavin it reminds me of when we had Caitlyn 18 months ago. Shane made the comment, "I know I have seen this 3x now but each time it is a miracle." I told him it is hard to believe that anyone could not believe in God after going thru pregnancy & the birth of a little baby. It is so amazing to think that your love created this little being and 9 months later that little person is finally here. It makes you appreciate life, you fall more in love with your spouse watching them with the little life that you created together & you love this little person beyond words & belief and you don't even know them yet. It is wonderful.

I guess in everything, it is a choice of how you choose to deal with whatever life throws at you. As the scripture says, "As for me and my house. We WILL serve the Lord"

Tomorrow I go for genetic testing to see if I test positive for breast cancer gene & ovarian cancer. They recommend it because of me getting it so young, a lot of times it is genetic. I don't know a lot about my mom's side of the family. So it is better to find out now. I hope and pray they are negative. Especially for Caitlyn. I would never want her to have to go thru this. Hopefully me going thru this will keep her from ever having to walk this road. If the ovarian cancer gene is positive they will recommend that I have a hysterectomy also on top of having a mastectomy. Double wammy. I don't know if that is a word but only thing I could think of. So pray with us that it is negative. It takes 4 weeks to get the results. I guess I was still kind of hoping for another baby if I could talk Shane into it. I figured after all this I could talk him into anything. LOL. JK Kind of.

The last few days have been rainy. I got a sore throat and I am hoping it doesn't turn into strep. That is all I need. My blood counts so far are still really good. I have my 3rd Chemo on Monday. Only 3 more to go after that. I finish the 1st week of June. I am so looking forward to that. I will still have to go for herceptin but that is not too bad and it is shorter than Chemo.

Well I hope everyone has had a good week so far. Tomorrow is Friday. Yeah!! No homework for the boys. I hate homework. So I know they do. Chandler is having his 1st sleepover with a friend from school and he is so excited. Saturday someone is coming to give a quote for painting the boys rooms upstairs and Mom & I are going to a Breast Cancer Survivor Luncheon. And Sunday is church.

Well I got to go get the boys ready for bed. Shane is getting Caitlyn's baba ready and then we can sit down and do nothing. LOL Isn't that what most of us do after the kids are in bed? So good night for now.

All my love
Rachael

PS. Please pray for Baby Gavin. He is having irregular heartrates and trouble breathing. Also for Skyla who is still recovering from a long & difficult delivery. We love you guys and are praying for you in Jesus Name.