Caitlyn & Isabella

Here are our two baby girls!!!!!

For Better Or Worse

I haven't written in the last couple of days. I still feel pretty good considering but the last few days I kind of feel like I am car sick in the head & have been having killer heartburn but still all in all I am good. But if this is as bad as it gets as far as sideaffects, I'll take it.

Yessie & I hosted a jewelry party last night. It went over very well. We acquired some nice jewelry. Thank you to Jodi for sponsoring our "Premier Jewelry Party". It was a lot of fun. Thank you to all our guests for coming. It was a great "Girls Night Out".

Yesterday I took phenergan and that stuff messed me up. So I didn't take it today. But I think I was a little ambitious about the amount of energy I thought I had. Mom is moving in this weekend so I went to go help her but was too "chemo head" to be of any help. So Caitlyn & I came home and took a nap. Apparently, everyone was calling and I didn't answer the phone so of course Mom comes over in a panic to make sure I am OK.

I am not complaining though because it is much better than pucking my guts out or being nauseous all the time. Which, thank God, I have not had any of. I guess the chemo is kicking in and taking my energy. So now I have to learn to pace myself, which is not the easiest when there is so much I want to get done. I kind of feel like I am "nesting". But can't get it all done. Oh Well. I guess it will be there another day. Maybe God is teaching me a little patience in all this too. I feel bad for not being able to help Mom more but I am glad Yessie and I were able to get a good bit done before I started chemo on Monday.

Dustin & Shane just went to Outdoor World so Yessie & I are here with the kids. Caitlyn & Bella are so cute together. Caitlyn tries to play "little piggies" on Bella's toes saying, "Wee, Wee,Wee." It is adorable. I can't wait to see them growing up together. They are going to be quite the pair.

Shane I have to say has been awesome. Not that I expected anything less but it always amazes me how he comes thru for me. He has gotten the boys up everyday for school so I could sleep in, came home late from watching the boys for us to have the jewelry party and finished cleaning up and getting all 3 kids in bed so that I could go to bed myself. He is the best & I know it. I love you Babe and want you to know publicly that I really, really appreciate all you have been doing and do not take it for granted of how blessed I am to have a husband like you. For Better or Worse, Right? I guess for us this is our "worse" for now. But I know we will make it. Thank you for all your love and support. I couldn't do this without you.

I love you,

Forever & Ever Amen

Rachael

Another Small Victory

Today I woke up feeling really good and refreshed. Shane's mom has been here since Sunday evening and has been helping get the boys up for school. So I have been able to sleep in. She has done all my laundry last week and this week. It has really been nice not to have to worry about that. Thank you so much Chris. Your help is more appreciated than you know and I love you so much. You are a wonderful mother-in-law and I am so glad you are mine. God has truly has blessed our family. We love you!!!

I cleaned out the guest room downstairs getting ready for Mom to move in this weekend. After that I started feeling a little tired so I laid down for about 30min and felt a little more rested. Then Yessie came and picked me up because she wanted to go and check out the new IKEA store. We got a lot of good ideas for her office/guest room including what to paint it. So now I have another paint job. It will look really good when it is done though. We are going to paint it a deep plum color and accent it with white/black. The daybed will act as a couch/guest bed which is black wrought iron. It is going to be gorgeous. I can't wait to get started.

That trip though pretty much wiped me out. So I came home started the boys on homework for Yessie to finish helping them, said good bye to Chris who was leaving & went and took a 2 hour nap. I never do that. But it felt good. Tony brought over from House of Taipei Chinese for dinner tonight. It was so good. Thank you Tony. It was nice getting to spend sometime with you and just chatting.

So all in all it was a good day not a productive as yesterday. But still pretty good. I don't know if it will always be like this but I am glad it is this week because we have so much going on and things we are trying to do. So it is working out well. Maybe I will be one of the few who do not get sick from chemo. It that even possible? With God it can be!! Time will tell.

Thank you to everyone who has been helping out and all the kind words. They are truly an encouragement to me and my family.

Love,

Rachael

The Day After: Victory

Today I have had a really good day considering I spent 6 hours poisoning my body with chemo cocktails yesterday. I have felt no nausea at all. I haven't been tired any more that any mom of 3 would be. I don't know if this is overly unusual or not for the day after but I feel great. I feel really normal.

Everyone that has called to check on me sounds really surprised at how alert, happy & well that I sound. Thank God. It is crazy. I don't know if tomorrow will be different but I am enjoying my health today.

Yessie came over today to help me unpack mom's kitchen belongs here at my house. Mom is moving in with us during this time. But if I continue to feel this good I will have to kick her out. I wonder if she will let me keep her washer and dryer still. LOL Just kidding Mom. Love you.
Anyway we had to rearrange the pantry and other cabinets to make room for all her spices and pantry items. Who would think that one person could have as much as a whole family of 5 plus some. Oh Well that is Mom.

I made dinner tonight also. We had Sausage & Black Bean Soup. It was really good. Especially for a cold night out. Yessie made homemade Banana Pudding. It was delicious. Yum Yum!! Thanks again Yessie for all your help today. I love ya Girl!

I was talking to my cousin Nikki saying that if I feel this good thru chemo this really isn't all that bad. And in the end I get a TRAM(Tummy Tuck) & New Breasts. Can't beat that!!! And if they need more tissue I might get a little lipo to boot. LOL.

I know it will probably not be this easy the whole road. But as I said today I feel awesome and I am enjoying it. I know losing my hair in about 2 weeks will be really hard for me at least. Probably worst then losing my breast. I guess because it is an outward symbol that says "I have Cancer." Right now I can go anywhere and no one would know any better. It will be a long road ahead and I am not so naive to think otherwise but for me today is a very big VICTORY!!!!

I want to say, "Thank You Jesus" I would not have the strength, attitude, or sense of humor to go thru this journey alone. So far I have had no bitter or angry thoughts or attitudes. That might change but hopefully it won't. It wouldn't help anything to get angry at this point. I am glad I am not alone physically or spiritually on this walk and that means more than anything.

I hope that I will and others will use this experience of knowing someone close to them who is facing cancer, make the most of life, enjoy the small things, play and laugh with your kids just because you can, hug & kiss your spouse for no reason at all, & take that weekend trip you keep putting off. The Kids don't need more "things" they need you and trust me it will be the quality time on even those short weekend trips that they will remember all the days of their lives, not what toys you bought. Make sure those around you know how much that they mean to you and how much you love them. Just in case tomorrow never comes.

So this is my hat's off to a great day after chemo even if it doesn't last it is one small victory in my battle.

Good Night,

Rachael Renea

The First Day of Battle: Weapon of Choice: Chemotherapy

Today is my first day of chemo. Shane was gracious enough to let me sleep in and get the boys up himself. Which was good too because Caitlyn was up a lot last night coughing & a high fever. She was in bed with us this morning.

My appointment was at 9:00am so we left around 8:00am because we needed to stop by CVS to pick up all my medications. One of them Emend I had to take this morning when I got here.

However apparently the insurance only allows 1 pill per month. My prescription was for 3 pills. But I needed it today and obviously had no time to fight with the insurance company. So I had to pay for it out of pocket. A whopping $439.00 for 3 pills. All my other ones were only $26.00.

I was furious. Not a good way to start off my "battle day". Here we are trying to deal with this and it is only the beginning and already I am having trouble with insurance not wanting to pay for something.

I called the insurance company on our way here. The man I spoke with said he needed pre-authorization from the doctor that I did indeed need 3 of these pills. Isn't that what the prescription was for? Duh-Huh!!!! Needless to say I was P.O. ed. The doctor's office now has to call in for an pre-authorization and then they will let me get the 3 pills for only $45.00. Jerks. Ripoff insurance companies trying to get by with just the minimum while I am trying to fight cancer. They should be ashamed of how they treat patients when you really need it.

Ok enough of that. We arrived at the doctors office a few minutes early. I really have been OK so far with all of this. I think because I still feel so normal and healthy. But as we sat in the waiting room, other patients started arriving and as I watched most of them come in with their balding heads with toboggans on it really it me that it would be me next time coming in with little or no hair. I couldn't help it and the tears began to fall. Shane held my hand and told me he loved me.

But all I could do was cry my silent tears as I watched those brave souls also fighting for their lives but losing their hair. I don't know why my hair is bothering me so much. I just hope when it happens I have the strength to be strong for my family but mainly my kids. I can't let them see me down. I want this experience to make them stronger in life, not for them to look back on this time in our lives and have bad memories. I want to keep our lives so full of love & laughter. I want for them to remember this time as being a time that we all grew closer as a family, that we took this time to really appreciate and live life to the fullest, but most of all grew closer to God.

Because really, we don't know what will happen or when.

After my crying session, Dr. Limentani came in & told me I was too nice and that I needed to get a kicka** attitude going towards this cancer. Next, they took us back to get started. I do not have a port put in so I had to have an IV put in. They tried in my forearm which my vein was too small. Next they tried in my hand and blew my vein. So then they had another male nurse come and put it in the bend of my elbow. She kept telling me to think about happy things. I began to think of my 3 babies and my husband that I love so much & I know I am fighting and going thru this for them & myself. So that was not good at all. Bad start all the way around.

My nurse's name is Sue. She started me on an anti nausea medicine Aloxi and had me take my $439 pill Emend. LOL. Crazy Huh??!! The first part of my "cocktail" was Carboplatin. Next Taxotere, with this one a side affect is that it can affect your finger nails making them peel, crack and pull away from the nailbeds. Bad for infection. So to prevent this they have you take a nail bath. You put your fingers in ice water to essentially cut off the circulation of blood so the chemo meds don't get to your fingertips. It is so freakin' cold. You can see the attached pictures. Now I am having my Herceptin which treats the HER2 in my body. I really sound like I know what I am talking about. My vocabulary has been largely expanded in the last week.

I feel pretty good. I am starting to feel like I have a big "medicine head" but here they call it "chemo head". LOL But that can kind of give you an idea of what I am feeling. I am tired of sitting here but Ok otherwise. Shane has been great. Staying by my side, getting me lunch, helping me get up & down with all these IV's and cords. This stuff goes straight thru you.

I actually met someone hear that I know. I haven't seen her in 13 years but we used to work at Heilig-Meyers together. That seems like a lifetime ago. She also has breast cancer not as bad as mine thank God but in her left side also. We are going to go to the Look Better, Feel Better class together. I hate she has it also but it is nice to have someone you know to go thru this with you.

What are the chances of meeting someone you know in chemo? Maybe it is not chance. No telling with God.

Well I am going to sign off for now. Thank you for all the emails and posts today. I may not be able to reply to all of them with so many but please know I do read all of them. It means so much that I have so many family & friends praying for me during this time. Don't stop!! Prayer is a mightier & stronger weapon then this chemo running thru my veins right now. With God's Help, We will make it thru this Battle with Victory.

Ok to end on a lighter and funnier note. As I stated this stuff goes right thru you, so I went to the bathroom and by the time I got there I had to go so bad I felt like poor Connor. I went to sit down and about fell in the toilet because some male idiot left the seat up. LOL Quit laughing Nikki, Mom & Charity. I could have hurt myself. Shane said I am experiencing chemo head. He said," Didn't you see that it was up?" Well I did but I had to go so bad that I forgot. Well I am done with chemo session #1 & overall I feel really good. I feel so good that Shane and I are going to check out the new IKEA store.

I am home now and everyone is amazed at how normal I am feeling. But I am sure tomorrow will be another story. I will keep you all posted.

Love ya,
Rachael

The Battle

Today is Sunday. The boys were up early so not much sleeping in. I have one day before I start chemo. I am trying not to think about it all the time. But today is hard.

I was "trying" to fix my hair for church this morning and became so frustrated. I am not used to having what feels like to me hardly any hair. It wouldn't flat iron so I had to go to the curling iron which I burned my forehead. OUCH!!! So I am a little aggravated with my hair. Probably by the time that I get used to doing it, It will start falling out. Go figure. Just my luck. Oh Well.

Caitlyn woke up with a cough this morning so Shane is staying home with her. I think he knew I wanted to and needed to really go to church this morning. I love that man.

I came down stairs and Shane of course said "You look beautiful!" I didn't feel like it. My head still hurt from burning it and by then I felt like I was all haggard. Connor looked so cute today with his little blazer on so we took a few pictures this morning before we left for church.

Church was really good. They sang one of my favorite songs right now, "Healer" I felt like it was just for me. And of course I sobbed thru the whole thing. But it was what I needed.

Then in the sermon Pastor Ross made a statement that kind of hit home for me in my situation.

He said, "There are no victories without any battles!" So I am looking at cancer as my battle and just on the other side of it is VICTORY!! I am looking forward to that part but first we have to go to battle. So tomorrow I begin mine. Chemotherapy. The first big step to fight my disease.

I am so thankful for all the notes that have been posted on my blog. It has been good, cheap, & therapeutic for me. I have heard from friends and family as well as some across the country that I don't even know that are survivors of this horrible disease and are now cheering me on to the finish line of "My Battle" I look forward to seeing and talking to all of you there.

All my love,

Rachael

Find a Cure

This was too cute not to share. May we all try and do our part to be more aware and find a cure for our future generations.

P.S. This is not Caitlyn. Just a cute model.