Joy Cometh in the Morning

Last night before we cut my hair, Shane knew how hard it was for me. I had already cried upstairs before I came down to face the kids. I didn't want them to see me upset & crying. So before they made it downstairs Shane & I prayed that God would help us thru this, make it a family time and to give us all peace. It really helped because I was able to hold back my tears for the kids sake even though inside my heart was breaking as I watched the rest of my blonde hair fall to the floor. I think even more or just as humbling as having your feet washed is to have your husband have to shave your head. That is a very humbling experience. But he did for me.

As of right now, I still haven't been able to look at myself "bald". I wore a beanie hat to bed and as I pass in front of the mirror...I just feel like I scream, "Cancer". I don't want to look like I am sick. I was doing so well with being able to pretend it wasn't going to happen or that I really wasn't sick. The kids were doing so good and had not really seen any drastic changes in Mommy, but now it is a daily reminder to us all. I did wake up with a thankful heart that this means my chemo is working, I am getting better, and I have the best family. It is just really hard accepting this part of "cancer".

I don't feel depressed like I have the last few days this morning. I know when I wash or fix my hair it is not going to come out but I am so sad for the loss of my beautiful blonde hair. I am going to attempt to wear the wig and hopefully it won't look like a wig. It should be interesting.

In my devotional yesterday, it said, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Matt. 6:34 So my mindset today is "Don't Worry" I can do this. I will do this in Jesus Name & with his perfect strength. He says he will never give us more than we can handle & I am so holding on to that promise right now for today.

Thank God It Is Friday!!!!!!!
I hope everyone has a great Friday & a wonderful Weekend.
All my love,
Rachael

PS. There are several more pictures on Facebook of "Our Hair Cutting". Connor took most of them. Enjoy!!