Tonight we told the boys about my breast cancer. Chandler my oldest (8 )had already been asking questions about why I was going to the doctor so much last night on the way home from church. I told him I wouldn't be able to go to his space camp at school because I had Dr.'s appts. I told him that Mommy and Daddy would sit down and talk to him and Connor this weekend about it. We drove the rest of the way home and getting out of the truck he asked,"Is it good or bad news Mom?" What do you say to that? I told him it was kind of bad but that Mommy was going to be fine. I tucked him in and he was crying that night. So I told him, "Mommy has some growths in her body that are making me sick. The doctors are going to have to give me some medicines to get rid of the growths/lumps, but the medicines are so strong that they are going to make Mommy sick and really tired. So I am going to need your help more. OK?" Shane was working in Charleston so Chandler came in to sleep with me that night.
Now tonight we sat down and told them both. I let them feel the top half of the mass. We explained that the medicine will make my hair, eyebrows, & lashes fall out. They asked questions like:
1. Will you have to stay in the hospital for a long time?
2. Does it hurt?
3. Connor had one more but then said he forgot.
4. How many lumps?
We went back downstairs and then Chandler called me and said Connor was crying. Then Chandler started crying again. I went into Connor and Shane to Chandler. I asked Connor, "What is wrong buddy?" He said, "I don't want you to go to the hospital." I told him when I had the surgery it would only be for one night. He was OK with that. I told him I was going to be like Chandler's four wheeler and Daddy's truck from their wrecks, "A Cyclops" He thought that was pretty funny.
Tomorrow I go to get my hair cut short. The first time in my life that my hair will be above my shoulders. I know it is going to be hard but it will be easier this way not having so much to loose when the chemo kicks in. I let the boys & Shane help me pick a new hairdo. They liked doing that.
So for now they are good and understand as much as a 6 & 8 year old can. I know it will be different actually seeing me with no hair and such. But hopefully they will still feel that I am "Mommy" & love them so much. I hope to keep them as informed as we can and apart of the decisions that we have to make as they can so that they can feel like a part of it all to and not be confused or scared about what is happening. That is my prayer.
Mommy loves her boys, Chandler Ryan & Connor Riley
Now tonight we sat down and told them both. I let them feel the top half of the mass. We explained that the medicine will make my hair, eyebrows, & lashes fall out. They asked questions like:
1. Will you have to stay in the hospital for a long time?
2. Does it hurt?
3. Connor had one more but then said he forgot.
4. How many lumps?
We went back downstairs and then Chandler called me and said Connor was crying. Then Chandler started crying again. I went into Connor and Shane to Chandler. I asked Connor, "What is wrong buddy?" He said, "I don't want you to go to the hospital." I told him when I had the surgery it would only be for one night. He was OK with that. I told him I was going to be like Chandler's four wheeler and Daddy's truck from their wrecks, "A Cyclops" He thought that was pretty funny.
Tomorrow I go to get my hair cut short. The first time in my life that my hair will be above my shoulders. I know it is going to be hard but it will be easier this way not having so much to loose when the chemo kicks in. I let the boys & Shane help me pick a new hairdo. They liked doing that.
So for now they are good and understand as much as a 6 & 8 year old can. I know it will be different actually seeing me with no hair and such. But hopefully they will still feel that I am "Mommy" & love them so much. I hope to keep them as informed as we can and apart of the decisions that we have to make as they can so that they can feel like a part of it all to and not be confused or scared about what is happening. That is my prayer.
Mommy loves her boys, Chandler Ryan & Connor Riley
hey you,
ReplyDeletei love this blog you have created!And Shane was right... you do have a gift for writing! I was intrigued! I already know almost all of this info and I still couldn't help but read it!
I love you sooo much!
Talk to you soon, Nikki
Rach, you're one of the strongest chics I know. Believe it or not, I think about you alot more now and sadly because of what you're going through. I always thought of you guys but unfortunately we grew apart. Our prayers are pouring out for you and everyone else. Keep strong like I know you are. I know you don't have a negative bit in you, especially in a time like this. We still love you guys even though we don't communicate as much. I pray that GOD heals you and that we can still be family. Love Ya Chic, Mean it.
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